You Know You’re Living in Egypt When…

I want to preface this entry by emphasizing my deep and unbridled love for Egypt. But as within every loving relationship, there are certain trade-offs.

 

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1. You start singing Celine Dion because you heard it in a taxi, at a grocery store, in a cafe…

2. Toilet paper is a hot commodity

3. The electricity goes out conveniently while you’re using the bathroom

4. You want to create a homeless shelter for homeless street cats

5. You order Pizza Hut once a week

6. You get hit on wearing normal clothing

7. You get hit on wearing a headscarf

8. You get hit on wearing a face veil

9. You get hit on wearing a garbage bag over your head

10. One hundred ghena seems like one hundred dollars

11. The bawab (doorman) takes a deep interest in your personal life

12. Everyone eats fuul (beans) for breakfast even though this may pose problems later in the day

13. At least once a day, someone asks where you’re from, except in this manner: “from where?” (tilts head, makes emphatic hand gesture)

14. You ask someone on the street for directions, they ignore your question and ask where you’re from

15. You wake up to construction sounds in the middle of the night…

16. There’s Arabic coffee everywhere, but somehow it will never match up to American brewed coffee

17. There are 3-4 pharmacies on every street, you know just in case of emergency

18. You have serious anxieties that your building is going to collapse

19. If you could win a ghena for the number of times you’ve killed a roach, you’d have a lotta ghena

20. There’s always traffic but rush-hour is at 2 pm, you know when the work day ends

21. Thursday is the new Friday

22. You substitute Arabic words for English words you no longer remember

23. You light your oven with an incense stick

24. Random Egyptians add you on Facebook. You might have 1 mutual friend which of course means you were destined to become friends

25. People stare at you constantly

26. You hear your neighbor’s children playing happily at 3 in the morning

27. Random people call you by mistake, when you tell them they have the wrong number, they keep calling…and calling

28. There are multiple cafes on every street corner

29. You meet an Egyptian in a microbus. You become pals for the rest of the year

30. Macaroni is the main dish of Egypt

31. Your newsfeed is all in Arabic

32. No need to go to the mosque on jummah. The Friday sermon is connected to loud speakers in your bedroom

33. There are only 3 religions: Islam, Christianity, and Judaism (although no one has ever spotted a real Jew)

34. Projectfreetv is a godsend

35. You never use to eat McDonalds but the occasional Mickey D’s McFlurry is your new guilty pleasure

36. French fries and all fried foods are dank

37. You have preferences over bottled water brands: Hiyat, Baraka, Aqua Siwa, Dasani, Nestle…

38. Takeef (air-conditioning) water falls on you from buildings above

39. You find foreign objects in your food

40. You have severe necrophobia when riding an elevator

41. You have trouble lighting your water heater so you take ice cold showers

42. There’s a man outside your apartment building who yells talaaga (refrigerator) over and over while pushing a donkey cart

43. Pedestrians never have the right of way

44. You see more children than you do adults

45. Sleeping in until 2 pm is not uncommon. When you do so, you use the excuse of being culturally immersed

46. When you confront men who harass you, they say you are like their mother or sister…

47. All your P’s have evolved into mighty and powerful B’s like Bizza or Bancake

48. You’ve grown into a skilled bargainer

49. All modes of transportation are great but the 3 wheeled tuk tuk is your favorite

50. You carry hand sanitizer with you wherever you go

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11 comments

  1. Safia!! lol I love this, it makes me miss Egypt so much! One thing I would add is that we never knew when the water would be on, so we would fill up Liter water bottles and line them in front of the bathroom. Just in case we had to use that to bathe!

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